Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Considering retirement
I am considering retirement from all kind of sports, probably for life due to some problems that I’m still having after a year passed by. I’ll miss futsal and football for sure, and some other sports that I played before with you and others, but living my life for my family is second to none than playing sports, so I’m considering retirement for good cause. I hope that you can keep this to yourself only and not telling others, because I don’t want people worrying sick about me. Even if I not here nor there with you, I’ll always be there in your heart, hopefully so..
I'm back
It’s been a while since my last post, but now I’m back. Think I should apologize to my dearie blog, coz she probably miss me so much I wouldn't expect. And to my fellow reader too, I know that you all are waiting for more from this silly fella, hence I hope you all will enjoy reading. I don’t know why I didn’t update as much I as like, just not feeling right to write. Many things happened to me here and there, but supposedly I tell you some.
Currently doing my final year thesis with a lots of setback,
Please don’t tell my supervisor or else I’ll get a whack.
Forgot the date, hence the day I couldn’t remember.
The pain is still there, hiding behind the wall.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha
Kereta...(entah apa-apa)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A-Z
Apau itu aku, anak bongsu
Bukan nama sebenar, buncit
Carila sendiri, Championship Manager
Dah dapat bagitau
Expresi-diriku, ek eleh
F***** namaku
Garang, geli-geli
Hati kristal, hati batu, hati-hati di jalan raya
Itu fakta, insyaAllah
Jadi diriku, jangan bilang tidak
Kapten bola sepak SAKTI, keras kepala
Lack of focus, lack of confidence and concentration
MAHER@pengawas sekolah, mobsters
Ntah, Nadia(2 orang adik angkatku)
Ohm, member kamceng waktu sekolah
Pendendam, perasan
Qwerty keyboard laptopku
Resah gelisah
Sunyi, sepi, sedih, S******(nama late xgf), sepet, sensitif, serabai, sempoi, selambe
Tanpa cinta, tough
Ulat bulu dah naik daun.., usaha lebey(ditujukan kepada yang berkenaan)
Valiant, vicodin
W**** nama bapaku, whatever perkataan ku suka, warcraft
X-ray tulang tibiaku retak
Yawn..
Zzzzz
Am i haunted?
Last night I couldn’t sleep, felt like something’s wrong. It’s damn cold, even without the fan switch on, I’m freezing. I had a dream bout my late ex-gf last week. I couldn’t tell bout it exactly as it was too shallow for me to remember. She was standing there, unmoved by my presence. Cold and pale as if she was just woken up from the dead. She ain’t looking at me, I wonder why. Thought it was because she hated me so much for the things I did to her. She’s still wondering up here in my mind. Guilt is probably the word that makes me still can’t brush her away from my memory. Haven’t forgiven myself for what I did to her. With final project thesis due end if this month, still stuck at chapter 1. These days with hectic and disarray schedule, pending subject just started, final exam just concluded, lack of focus and confidence, wish I can just graduated straight away.
P/s referring to my ‘yesterday’ post, the girl is not my x-schoolmate.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
What a bullshit?
Haven't update you for a while, so sorry that I’m kind of busy and got no idea to write although there's many thing happened to me the whole week before. Tomorrow I got ISWO final exam, and the next day I’ll be starting my Linux classes which has been put on hold due to KLMU's management problem(s). I’d planned to go back to my hometown after the exam, but due to this matter, I need to stay back until it’s cuti-cuti Malaysia (eh silap, Hari Raya Haji holiday), damn bullshit, isn’t it? Well, that’s for now, going to do some revision, although feeling very dizzy and sleepy.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday's morning
This morning I went to ISWO class, a little bit late, but better late than never, right? Got the tips for final exam paper next week, and submit the assignment given. Took morning tea break at the Mishan’s with Alee & Karun, simultaneously thinking of having lunch altogether. Having 2nd thought, and changed my mind, lunch at my foster mum’s café at EON’s. There’s her granddaughter, Malay mix nigga genes, and I took her in my arms. Mariam@Maryam (don’t know which way they spelled it), she’s dark, with curly hair and got big eyes. Gave her milk in the bottle after had my lunch, and she’s like falling asleep. Cuddled her close to my chest to comfort and make her warm, but suddenly she’s awake. Try to feed her milk, but she didn’t want to, and started disgruntled. Her granny took her from me, and tries to feed her some soft biscuit, but she started to throw up. I like kids, and I wonder when I’ll have my own. My foster mum, her daughter and few of my friends told me that I looked like a father, I wish too…
Last Night
Last night, my friend and I went to Ampang Sports Planet to play futsal for 2 hours against his friends plus a few foreigners. Physically and fitness aspect, we were totally outmatched by the foreigners but technically and strategically, we’re even. I didn’t play well in attacking mode as my shots always and always went astray. I’m quite upset with my performance but I did very well when defending, that’s probably because I’m a naturally defensive kind of player. It was a very tiring night but enjoyed the game. The consequence of playing the match is getting a recurrence ankle problem (slightly twisted, but bad), aggravated knee injury (ligament and knock), back injury (slipped disc during last year KLMU’s sports carnival and etc. I’ll be playing as long as I could, even when my playing style has made my body takes it toll, because I love this game, once dreamt of playing for the national side, and still. Going to have my dinner, see ya soon
Yesterday
I was just taking my bath when suddenly I remembered about something that happened yesterday. I was going to English class at 2pm just after having my lunch at EON cafeteria. when going up on the lift to level 4, I saw a girl who I thought was my x-schoolmate, I asked her if she got class, but then she gave me a 'look', and her friend behind her also gave me a 'look', then I’m having a thought, is she or isn't she my x-schoolmate? I’m damn sure that she’s my x-schoolmate, but the problem is, she never answer my question, and her friend and she gave me a ‘look’, so now I’m not pretty sure if she’s my x-schoolmate. I felt a little bit embarrassed, but I just played a macho guy, hehe.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Nyum-nyum
p/s mls nk ejas pics
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Well-written but not well-spoken
I’ve been writing in English for a while, and I’m glad that people told me that I’ve improved a lot. It’s very flattering and nice compliment when it comes especially from your English lecturer. Thanks to my father who has been an imperial figure who taught me English when I was still so young. He asked me to read NSTP rather than Metro or Berita Harian. It has proven that by only reading papers (with the help of dictionary, of course), and lots of it, you can be very good at English. I consider myself as just above average, I’m still learning, new words, how to use it in certain sentences. But I think that I’m just good when writing, not orally. The day that I had my mock interview with Sir Mus, I was kind of nervous. I couldn’t speak as the words wouldn’t come out or maybe I’m just whispering at the time. It’s irritate me that day before the interview, I was feeling confident and had the ideas to answer to questions asked, but unfortunately it hasn’t been good as expected. I’m very upset with my performance, really because I knew that I could do hell lot better. Out of words, be back later. Bye
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Anger management
Hey there, my name is apau, I’m an anger prone person. I think that I need to join an anger management program. I need to control my anger before it brings me down. There are a lot of people who don’t know how bad it is when I’m in rage. The probably first thing I would do when I’m mad at someone is just keep quiet to myself, do my own thing or just stay in my room. I had once thrown a butter knife to my sister, smacked my brother with a chair and shout to people mostly when it comes to some disagreement. I don’t know what to say, but I really hate myself when realizing that I force people away, before noticing that I’m lonely. Many people have tried to help me contain my fury, they gave me advices that I hold for moments only. It’s damn hard for me to change my attitude simultaneously losing friends. I don’t talk to people about my problems though I wrote only to you. You are probably the best virtual mate I have now, because I can expressed all my feelings, without you saying it’s bad or good, whether it’s right or wrong. I never had a tell-all friend that I can share problems with, enjoy or suffer, during good or bad days, I just have me and myself to talk to. Got to go, I have few things to get done. See ya later, my blog..
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
So close..
Monday, November 2, 2009
Last weekend
Alamak
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Happy and Sorrow
Last Saturday I went to Seremban, my eldest sister had a Hari Raya open house at her place. I was due to went there last Friday, but I have to accompany my other sister, which is 3-4 months pregnant. We arrived there 20 minutes past 1 in the afternoon. Had my lunch, then started to help them serving food and drinks, plus entertained the crowds who came. The clock has past 5 and we started to cleaned up the garage, play with my nephews and had dinner just before 7. Watched Cinderella Blues at 10pm, on channel tv3 which I quite enjoy the jokes, and knowing that the Red Devils won 2-1 against Bolton Wanderers, everything went very well until the next dawn…I was awake at 5, very early for a guy like me. I’m not feeling very well, it’s like my stomach want to explode. My gastritis problem has become worse. I had diarrhoea and start vomiting like shit. It took all the energy away from me, I felt like I’m going to faint. I couldn’t eat breakfast and was supposed to drive my sister to the KLIA. She was going back to Yemen and continues her work as a lecturer. But I end up at the back seat of the car, and lastly have to stay at home because of dizziness and vomiting. I took pills, and try to get some sleep. Didn’t switch on the fan but still I still feel cold, even with thick blanket covering me up to the neck. I went back to KL with my brother at noon, because tomorrow I got class to attend. I spend whole lot of time on the bed, trying to weather the unbearable pain and dizziness that makes me want to vomit. Took pills, and went back to sleep. Take bath, pray and sleep again. That’s what I’ve done for the past 3 days started from last Sunday. I couldn’t eat much, just having some fruits and Milo drinks. Still haven’t fully recovered from my illnesses but I went to class today. I wonder if my illnesses have to do with my ex girlfriend last days before she departed to a new life, maybe, probably, the utmost respect I thought about her too much.
Kau pergi...
19 October 2009, 6.04pm, I got a sms from my late ex-girlfriend little sister. In the sms, she wrote ‘she’s gone forever’. I couldn’t believe my eyes and started replying to her, and asked about the sms. She said that it was true, her sister has fallen and they are in grieving mood. I was… speechless, stared to the sky disbelieved. I haven’t said that I’m sorry about the fight last time we contacted, but now it just plain too late. Her sister somewhat blamed me for the passing, and I myself knew that I had a fraction if not too much in making my ex’s health deteriorated. She was just over 25 this year, too young and life so short to lived a happy life. And I, still haven’t change from being a jerk, even now has become worse.
P/s: you don’t have to recite prayers / doa / al-fatihah, because she was a Christian
Monday, October 12, 2009
diari seorang atan
Atan : tak nak lah, nanti atan penat
Kawan atan : kenapa tak nak pulak?
Atan : ye la, nak main batu tu kena pergi seremban dulu, kan jauh, sebab tu atan tak nak, nanti penat
Kawan atan : yela yela (setan punya atan)
Balik umah, mak atan suh atan beli santan kat kedai, tapi atan pulang bawak buah rambai, serabai..
Petang tu atan main bola sepak, kat padang yang becak, penuh lopak, diterjah tercampak, balik ke rumah berbau hapak.
Di malam yang kelam, suram dan dengan kaki yang lebam, atan duduk diam-diam. Berus gigi sudah, basuh kaki sudah, atan berdengkur mengharapkan mimpi yang indah-indah
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Baru tahu semalam
Friday, October 9, 2009
Pure stupidity or plain unlucky?
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Apa- apa tah
Keguguran
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
You Don't Know Where I When This September Part II
I couldn't sleep as there was a typhoon. The wind was so strong, that it makes the tree branches fell apart. Wondering there might be flight delay for tomorrow afternoon flight to Xiamen. Zzz. Before Subuh prayers, we woke up, eat some food and did the Subuh prayer, then went to sleep again. The prayers time there is about one hour earlier than in Malaysia. Getting ready to go to the airport at 9am and taking the shuttle bus to the nearest train station. Did the baggage check-up at the station and off we go in the express train straight to the airport. It’s raining and windy, but no typhoon. The flight was supposed to take off at 1250, but due to the windy conditions and other flight congestion, it was delayed till 1430. There was an angry scene while waiting at the gate where a man stumped his hand to the desk confronting the crew on duty. It took 1 hour and 20 minutes to Xiamen and while passing the Xiamen immigration, I was summoned to do health check-up. Fortunately I passed or else I might be quarantined for days or worst weeks. The weather is clear but the air smell stinks. We were picked up by the Pan Pacific hotel shuttle transport where they wait for nearly 2 hours because of the flight delay. The scenery was okay with few big and new buildings, old apartments and small houses. After room check-in, went straight to the room. It was superb, fantastic and fascinating, but not the room outside view. The television was huge, the apparel in very nice and silky, while the spacey bathroom has bathtub and see-through glass in the shower with shower head straight-up. I think it will probably be the same here in Malaysia but what is the purpose of paying big money to stay at the hotel if you have a home nearby, right? Breaking fast around 1815 and stayed put for the night. The next day we went out with a tourist guide. My sister bought an English- Chinese dictionary in case when needed. It is very hard to communicate with the Chinese fellas as they don’t speak or write alphabets. So we have to as the hotel staffs to write down the words in Chinese. We went for a boat ride enjoying the acceptable scenery of Taiwan territory which isn't much to tell. Stop at the other bank of the river where the historical buildings, monuments are situated. We didn't take the buggy van but just walking through the places (Java, British and Chinese consulate and etc). We watched a Chinese opera show like the ‘wayang kulit’ for Malays and did enjoy it. Go around places, taking pictures which few Chinese girls who work as guide there but they also didn't speak English much. There are also many restaurants with live fish, prawns, crabs and etc to choose from. Don’t know what to tell as they ain't many things to elaborate, but still did the walking and window shopping in a humid condition which is very exhausting. Buy a few things and went back to the hotel. My brother-in-law and I went to a Muslim restaurant to buy food for breaking fast. The food is quite different in taste, ain't that spicy, but just okay. The next day, we went out to Xiahe Lu Rd and Chang San Lu Rd for shopping, buying some souvenir and having hard times to find money changer even the local bank there didn't accept RM in exchange. My sister bought a tea set for herself and my aunt. Went around and then I took them to the Muslim restaurant that I went yesterday. Breaking fast there and went back to the hotel. Packing things up because tomorrow (18 September 2009) will be going back home. Fast forward….we are home. Breaking fast at the KLIA and wait for my other brother- in-law to pick us up and straight home. My other sister and I went straight to Seremban in other car parked outside my other sister place. Take my bath, do the prayers and packing my things up, waiting for my brother to pick me up to go back to our ‘kampung halaman’ in Bohor Bahru. Arrived at 0515, ‘sahur’ and then Zzz.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
You Don't Know Where I Went This September
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Monday, September 7, 2009
Last night
Friday, September 4, 2009
Happy Birthday
Adoii sakitnye...
Finale examination
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan
Monday, August 10, 2009
Punctuality problem in colleges
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Di kala sepi
Tak tau nak letak apa
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Selalu Kalah
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Pathetic poetic
I met her online unintentionally,
She’s six years my junior would you believe me,
It takes time to get to know each other,
But felt that I known her forever
Its just over 2 months since I known her,
Almost two weeks we’ve been together,
On June 8th I wish her happy birthday,
Feels like it was just yesterday
She’s so sweet and happy go lucky,
While I’m the opposite such a cry baby,
When she smiles I felt like melting,
Damn exciting when we’re talking
She’s always there daylight and night,
Feel like the sun shining bright,
Sometimes there’s a thunder in rainy days,
It means like she need some space.
3rd of July she confessed she loved me,
And the next day we declared as a couple,
First week has been extremely happy,
All in a sudden we hit some trouble
Had a lot of headache, in the mean time of late,
Missing someone, the feeling isn’t great,
I love her, but sometimes I hate,
Wonder when it will fade.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Aku mahu pulang
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Ahad, 21 Jun 2009
ni la kasut yang aku beli ari Ahad lepas. belum rasmikan lagi, tinggal tunggu masa beraksi je. first aku tengok dalam paper ada iklan pasal sale kat Al-Ikhsan, tu la sebabnya aku sanggup gi Bangi semata-mata nak gi kedai tu. lagi satu sebab, gi Bangi ada anak sedara aku 2 orang, dapat lepaskan rindu kat dorang. dalam iklan tu, kasut futsal sale sampai harga paling rendah RM 99, tapi masa aku gi kedai, tanya salesgirl tu, dia cakap, tu untuk junior, so kecewa jugakla aku,huhu. harga kasut + stokin ni just over Rm 150, pokai jap aku, hm. kalau korang perasan, kasut jenama adidas, tapi stokin jenama nike, apa punya poyo la kan?salah aku sebab main kaut je stokin tu, my bad. persoalannya sekarang, adakah dengan memakai kasut + stokin ni, adakah..aku akan beraksi lebih hebat? aku akan lebih bersemangat? aku akan berlari lebih cepat? makin padu aku merembat? sasaranku menjadi makin tepat? akan lebih merasa lebih nikmat? jawapannya kena tunggu sampai perasmian kasut + stokin ni dulu k. ~end~
Rabu, 24 Jun 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
TGI Friday's
Malam hujung minggu
Monday, June 15, 2009
Kelmarin
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Semalam
4YI
Thanks for all my loyal readers, thanks for the comments. I really appreciate your thoughts for all my posts. I haven’t been here lately to update my blog. Got this thorough and thorough mental block in mind couldn’t write anything at all. Most of you probably think that my English is good but it isn’t a fact. Honestly I wrote all my posts (in English language) using Microsoft word, so any mistakes or grammar whatsoever I can correct it before posting here. I have few foreigners friend, here and overseas that sometimes I chatted with. They told me that, my English is good as average foreigners. So for me, that’s an achievement even I didn’t get a certificate for that (kidding). What to tell? I don’t have any idea. Will be back soon, sooner or later maybe…we’ll see.
Dah lebih 2 minggu
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Aww..
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
To whom it may concern
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Aku sudah jumpa
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Don't think, just write
These days have been hard as always as if it is not difficult. Yesterday my cousin lost his daughter which I had earlier posted the matter. She was 6, but couldn’t live long enough to love and be loved. She wasn’t close enough to me but when somebody passed on, you just couldn’t shed the tears. My health has deteriorated as I kept having fever almost every after dawn, headache probably of the caffeine I took almost daily. I always play futsal with my college colleagues even if I had injuries (calf strain, twisted ankle & knee ligament damage) that haven’t healed yet. Football is my life, in my blood, that’s why I guess I couldn’t resist the temptation of playing. I miss the times playing on the field but maybe it doesn’t suit me anymore. I went back to my hometown almost every weekend this month driving my parents back to our home, but not this week as I have loads & loads of works to be done. I haven’t written for more than 3 weeks, until the day before yesterday as I couldn’t get the ideas in my head to be interpreted in my blog. I don’t like to copy paste subjects or topics just to update my blog, so you all have just to wait when the time comes. This blog have been my best non living friend and where I think I can tell all. Speaking about myself, my life, my self expression and else. The black template means that I have dark secret, a mystery entity in me. If you willing to listen to the songs, you will know that I always felt lonely, insecure and sometimes explosive. That’s all for now, will be back for more.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Andai tiada lagi waktu untukku
Satu Pemergian
Monday, May 18, 2009
'Borang Permohonan'
Friday, April 24, 2009
7 perkara ajaib & pelik tentang lelaki
2.knp lelaki ska main blakang?
3.lelaki plg ska korek,tp korek ada mcm2 korek,korek apa agkny?
4.kbykkn lelaki ska main bola,tp..
5.lelaki plg sng ckp i luv u,tp..
6.lelaki ni kebiasaanny xbiasa luar biasa,tp..
7.kesahihan 6 ktrangan di atas
i.pdhal dorg pn ada jgk
ii.pdhal dorg bkn ska pndg blakang pn
iii.korek rhsia la
iv....ada jg yg main bola lain
v....plg ssh ckp i'm sorry
vi....bila da biasa,rsa xluar biasa pun
vii....lu pikir la sndri
Tah apa2,aku xde idea
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Comment Tab
Friday, April 17, 2009
Pantun suka-suki
bila dah buka puasa, lega rasanya,
mai sini semua, mai baca,
dah baca, komenla ya
muka bujur, rambut ikal,
misai nipis,mata coklat,
hobi aku main futsal,
watch out,aku nak rembat!
ke sungai memancing ikan,
dapat banyak pulak tu,
aku tau la aku ni tampan,
aku saja je buat tak tahu.
pergi chow kit, mencari pondan,
pondan dicari, untuk dilanggan,
wei,apa dah tak ada lagi ke perempuan,
yang boleh dijadikan teman?
bercinta aku, untuk dicinta,
bukan sekadar saja-saja,
bila dah jumpa,sungguh bahagia,
bila berpisah,tak sudah merana.
aku sedang ingin bercinta,
masih mencari yang dinanti,
bila aku dah jumpa,
aku kunci dia dalam hati.
hitam putih warna ku suka,
milo dan neslo penghilang dahaga,
yang terasa jangan terluka,
aku sengaja suka-suka.
banyak berfikir,pening kepala,
hati tetap belum terubat,
sampai disini saja la ya,
tamat.
Borang Permohonan
Nama:
Umur:
Alamat:
Tarikh Lahir:
Tempat Lahir:
Tinggi:
Berat:
No telefon:
Emel:
Bangsa:
Agama:
Warganegara:
Hobi:
Cita-cita:
Pekerjaan:
Gaji:
Makanan Kegeraman:
Minuman Kegeraman:
Warna Kegeraman:
Ukuran Badan:
Latar Belakang Pendidikan:
Kelulusan/Kelayakan:
Adakah anda pandai memasak?
*sila senaraikan lauk-pauk yang anda pandai masak
Adakah anda pandai membuat minuman?
*sila senaraikan jenis-jenis minuman yang anda pandai buat
Adakah anda merokok? Ya/Tidak
Adakah anda minum minuman beralkohol? Ya/Tidak
Keperluan anda:
Cinta, wang ringgit, kasih sayang, rumah besar, kereta mewah, suami yang tampan, anak, makanan/minuman yang cukup, pakaian, barang kemas dan sebagainya.
*Sila susun mengikut kepentingan anda
*Anda boleh membuat karangan mengenai diri anda
Tarikh tutup permohonan adalah pada 17 Mei 2009
Segala pertanyaan sila hubungi saya di emel yang tertera di atas
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Free poetry
Hey there, what’s up?
I here, just woke up.
Brush my teeth, take my bath,
Do my prayers, and few other things lah.
Getting ready to go for classes,
Ride my bike, wearing my glasses.
Here I am, at my college,
Oh yeah, I arrived late.
Class have started, feeling sleepy,
Hasn’t breakfast, very hungry.
Jot down notes, actually drawing,
Hard to focus, damn I’m trying.
Went to the toilet, taking a pee,
Stay for a while, doing nothing to be exactly.
Class has finish, but not the credit crunch,
Went to the mamak’s, having a little lunch.
My stomach feel full, but felt okay,
Go to basement, just to pray.
Another class to attend, but not at the basement,
Suddenly end, in just a blip of few second.
Ride my bike, going home,
Here I am, home alone.
Feeling sleepy, but not yet,
Watching tv, full of craps.
Log in MySpace, ym & Skype,
Play with my rakun, simultaneously chat.
Doing homework, in a hurry,
Because I’m start to feel tired already.
It’s already late, I’m calling it a day,
Good night, have a nice day.
Aku lemah tanpamu
Aku perlu kamu, untuk mengembalikan senyumanku.
Aku menggunakanmu, untuk membuatku merasa lebih bertenaga.
Aku rindu kamu, untuk mengisi ruang batinku.
Aku cinta kamu, kamu menjadikan aku lelaki hebat.
Aku sanggup buat apa saja untuk mendapatkanmu.
Aku sanggup membayar wang untuk membelimu.
Aku sanggup berlari untuk mengecapimu.
Aku sanggup dahaga untuk merasai kenikmatanmu.
Aku lemah tanpamu, my 100 plus. ;-)